What matters most

What matters first and foremost to God is not what you have gotten others to do, it is what you are doing!


It was one of those days within the first year or so after the divorce. I had just dropped off my son and was on the hour-long drive home. It was always a time of reflection and sadness. On this particular occasion, it was also a time of prayer and self-pity (not a good combination, by the way).


I remember thinking about all that I had lost. Not just in family and material things, but also in my job. Things were going so well with the church and the youth at the time. They were growing both in numbers and in energy. I was excited, and so were they. "How could you let this happen, God? And at this time! There was so much potential, so much more to do. Don't you need me anymore?"


"No!"


What in the world? Where did that come from? No one was in the car, the radio was off, where did that response come from? I still am not sure, but I know that I heard it. It brought tears to my eyes. Which, by the way, is not a good thing when you are traveling down the interstate. Had God actually said that? Was He through with me? Had He given up on me? The tears continued to come as I just dwelled on what I was sure that I had just heard.


It took a while, but I began to feel His presence. A comfort. An arm around me. I started to understand something. It was true, God did not need me. But he still wanted me. And it wasn't for what I could do for Him, because there is nothing that I can do for Him that He cannot get done through other means. He does not need me, yet He wants me.


I carry that thought with me to this day. Every time I mess up or something doesn't go the way that I think it should, I know that He is in control. I am not perfect, but through Jesus I have been made perfect in His eyes. He doesn't need me, He wants me.


That is what matters most.

Added 11/13/2010


As I reread this post, the opening thought bothers me now. What matters most to God is not what I am doing. It is what He has done for me. To God be the glory. Amen.